Anyways I was walking to the super mart when all of a sudden the devil popped out of nowhere (you know a direct violation of the Law of conservation, only magical pixies from religions can do that. No human can violate the Law of thermodynamics, only magical demon pixies.)
Anyways I was walking to the store when the devil popped out and started to use all sorts of riddles and knock knock jokes. I thought they were terrible but, of course the devil is TERRIBLE. So then I say, I am going to buy a cookie, when the devil says “OH yeah well your mom” and I was like “screw you” and he was like “oh yeah but thats not what your sister said”
and then a couple of onlookers on the side walk were like “oooooooo” and one reportedly said “burn!”
I then reportedly screamed over and over again “The power of Jesus compels you! The power of Jesus compels you! I know what the lies the church tells me is true! Even the part about the earth being the center of the universe”
The Devil then replied “Wait isn’t the Sun considered to be the center of the solar system?”
I then retorted, “What ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU TRYING TO BRAINWASH ME WITH YOUR PSEUDO-FACTS? HELP….. HELP I AM BEING ATTACKED BY LOGIC! HELP ME!
” I just though that people should know these kind of things” The Devil said promptly in response to my screaming
“You thought I needed it? Can’t you see I was content with Church propaganda that clearly makes no sense and went through such an extent to keep people ignorant that they arrested the man who made the discovery that the Earth revolved around the sun, in truth.”
“Really? Even Church propaganda that said that sin caused sickness, not microorganisms known as viruses, mold, germs, etc.?”
“Yes that too! I think that sickness is caused by people who say god isn’t real, so for every person who says that god isn’t real there is a ratio of one sneeze to accompany that disbelief.”
The Devil then replied “Or it could just be that dust particles have entered your nasal duct and irritated your nose hairs which then prompted your brain to send a response to get rid of the threat by forcing you to sneeze. The brain reacts in a similar manner by giving you a runny nose when there is a virus, known promptly as a cold, or Rhino Virus, that enters you body. The aspect of a runny nose captures the virus in the snot and forces it out of the body.”
“What? I don’t understand that, you need to put it into terms that involve Jesus, you, and god. So please next time you explain the reaction of the body unto foreign substances use the following terms I have listed earlier.”
The devil then realized how he could make me learn “Very well, When the Devil (dust) enters into your God (nose) the God’s Jesus (Jesus being the nose hairs) then reacts by Angels (Sneezing) which then forces the Devil outside the God after the reaction from Jesus.”
I was very surprised! I then asked the devil to do yet another system of functions “Explain to me how rocks are formed, Devil!”
“Very well, Rocks can be the demons of Hell, pressure can be god, I can be water, you can be time so when the Demons of Hell (Rocks) are being pressurized by God, The Devil comes in when the rock is simply composed of little Demons and then when I, the Devil evaporate I then bring all the Demons of Hell together and then God pushes all the Demons of Hell into one tiny spot thus forming a Demon of Hell. However, Lord Jeeves” He had said unto me, “It takes along Lord Jeeves in order for the Demons of Hell to be Godded so that they can form a true Demons of Hell, after they have been evaporated by me, the Devil.”
After my little conversation with the Devil he said to me, “Don’t do drugs, unless a Crazy Christian comes running out into the street telling you how the Devil is out to get you do drugs. Remember I am just a scape goat. If you truly don’t want to do drugs, simply open a book, which is hard for some people to understand and do and then read. Don’t pray, just read and do your work.
- I believe in god, but deep down…i doubt myself.?
- Solar Producer: Why Wont LDS Admit That All These Are Wrong?? (1/8/2012)
- All Christian “evidence” for God, in one spot? (all of which are invalid)?
- What kind of Christian am I? (it’s a long read, but please, do try to read it all)?
- Solar Lights: The Final TRIBULATION. On 2015 ? (8/14/2011)